The Rapids

I remember back in 1996 a friend of mine I work with had asked me to go white water rafting with him and his brother over the 4th of July weekend. It’s nothing I’ve ever done so I gladly agreed. That morning my ex and the kids were still sleeping when I left. I didn’t want to wake them, so I just left, without saying goodbye.

During the trip, I was asked to sign a waiver. This covered certain positions to be in if you fall out, like feet first down the river, maneuvering rocks with the oar and things like that. Whatever, done, as most of us do. I was told we would be going down some class 4 rapids. At the time, I didn’t know what that had meant. I just knew my buddy and his brother were experienced at this so, let’s do this! Looking back, why they let me go is beyond me.

I was at the front of the raft, the raft was all adults with the exception of a girl that was maybe 8-10 years old. She reminded me of my older daughter. I even recall asking myself, is she supposed to be here? But that’s all it was, to myself.

The Colorado River was the place to be that day. The rafts on the river that day were spread out about 20’ apart. The water was high from the snow melt. I didn’t exactly know what that meant. After we took off, I thought, this isn’t so bad, the Colorado River within Buena Vista Colorado was calm. I couldn’t help but think what all the fuss was about. And then I seen it. We were coming up on the class 4 rapids in which there was a huge 3-4’ dip and about 100’ of white jumping water.

We hit the first of the rapids, out I go, down the river headfirst. I was trying to maneuver so my feet were facing downstream but I couldn’t because I was stuck under the raft that was behind us. My life jacket was pushing my up against it. I tried to grab the oars I seen as they paddled through the water with no luck. I couldn’t breathe. I seriously thought to myself, I didn’t say goodbye to my ex or my kids. I’m gonna die. I tell you what, that has to be the most miserable feeling in the world. That of being under water and not being able to breathe.

As I looked up thinking this was it, I seen a huge boulder that the raft I was stuck under was headed for. I thought to myself, If I can grab on to that boulder long enough, I can get out from under this loaded raft. I tucked my head to hopefully hit the boulder with my shoulder and not my head. I grabbed onto it with dear life. Everything went black.

I remember waking up on the side of the canyon, in some dirt with a few paramedics around me. I didn’t have a shirt on. They cut off the shirt to wrap it around my head. I couldn’t see from all the blood in my face. I only recall asking about the little girl. Where is the little girl that was with us? She stood up and said, “I’m OK”. Immediately I’m out again. Next time I woke up, I was in the hospital with 12 staples in my head.

I say this because in my dream state, I often relive that. Which amazes me because I’ve been held at gun point twice and those moments didn’t scare me. People wanted something, I gave it to them, they left. This, however, was not something I could get an intuitive feel on. I could not feel the rivers intention in the moment and base a decision off of it. If you ride the river, you’re at the mercy of the river. You can’t control it. On top of that, act fast and don’t breathe.

After the recurring dream over and over what can I do to stop this? So many friends asked me go rafting with them after that and my answer is always a resounding, fuck no. I know the way to resolve this is to go again. Face your fears and the fear goes away. Or you can just let it go. For me it’s, I’m the single source of support for my family, by putting myself in harms way, it could effect my whole family. In looking at it that way, it’s not in fear, it’s for the security of family structure. If I were single and had no one to look after, would I go? Heck yeah, no doubt. Once I changed my perspective on it, it went away.

But what if the story is different for you? We can go on and talk about this all day. I’ll let Kryon finish this out. Thanks for reading. Always in love and light.

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